My first marriage ended with my wife cheating on me not 4 months after we were married. It wasn't even as if she had kept it from me, she admitted her feelings and ended up taking things farther than just having feelings.

Fast forward to today: My current wife has admitted a crush on someone (our couple's therapist). While I know it will not go anywhere, I'm having difficulties emotionally believing that. I know the T will not do anything, but my heart stops for a second and I wonder if my wife would if given the chance. She says she would never act on it, but the intensity of her feelings and the bumps in our own relationship makes me wonder...

I feel like her fear of losing our couple's T may come true if she can't reign it in. I don't know if I could keep working with her knowing how my wife reacts to her. I also think that if my wife keeps struggling with this, our T may suggest seeing someone else.

Sure she is attractive and seems to have an awesome personality, but my crush on her has faded while my wife's has intensified... I was able to identify mine as transference re: two separate old crushes. With that my feeling for our T fizzled. My wife is exploring the idea of transference with this T, but it's not really helping. I am not sure how to address this, either with my wife or with our T.

How do you get over being cheated on and not project that into future relationships when circumstances trigger the fears?