I'm going to try to explain, i'm sorry if i can't get this across correctly.
Lately, almost every night now, every time i try to talk or type anything my mind spazzes out, i get extremely frustrated and stressed out. my hands start internally stressing out, my mind spins, i start crying uncontrollably, and i curl up into a ball and start freaking out to myself. I silently scream/cry, and i clutch my head. I don't know whats happening, it's terrifying me lately. I've always had some sort of idea that i'm mentally insane, i always think that.
My mind can't create correct sentences, the only thing i can really say when anyone asks me whats wrong is 'i don't know' i really don't know. in that state, i can't think of anything but i don't know. sentences, thinking, logic, it all just hurts my mind more.
I know i have depression as does everyone else in my family. I have a good life. I have a boyfriend who i care about, more than anything else in the entire world. Half the time, i want to admit myself to some kind of hospital, but i don't want him to know or think that i'm crazy, i don't want anyone to leave me like i know they will. But i can't stand being like this anymore, if i'm not already insane i feel like this is going to drive me to that point. I really need some kind of advice or something. Please.