Thank you for sharing Seeker. I think you absolutely found the word I am looking for I feel abandoned by some of past relationships/friendships and some relationships that I still have but are rocky. I, at the time, was "so important" and this and that and then I am nothing to some of them. No phone calls, no emails, no anything...
I think my mental illness has a lot to do with it. I am bipolar so I tend to get really weird and think paranoid thoughts and I think it pushes people away. Instead of learning about this illness to help me through it they have chosen to run away and leave me abandoned-feeling a lot of loss of love and now hard to trust people with any of my emotions except anger. Thank you very much Seeker. I think you just clarified something that I couldn't put into words myself but you found them