{{{{ Cemetary~! }}}} my heart goes out to you~! i have experienced some of the things i think you are saying, after i was poisoned. i don't know what is happening to you, but i do know that the brain is an organ, and can have failures in it's operations, more complex than any other system~!

i rarely suggest that anyone see a Psychiatrist, but they are medical specialists on the brain. if you are able to see one, look for a good one, who doesn't just throw pills at you~! beware of those psych meds, they can have terrible side effects, and they are ALL trial and error~!

in the mean time, see if you can avoid the situations that seem to put you in the worst way~ do not cast yourself into destruction~ you are precious and your brain is repairable, this is not the end of the world.

you seem to understand very well what is happening to you, and what might happen if you are seen as "crazy",, people do abandon us in our hour of need. so, try to blame some medical condition. that's one reason i like to say "Brain Chemisty Disorder" , causing aphasia (inability to speak), and dyslexia (confusion writing and reading), and severe anxiety". it sounds like what it is, a medical condition.

write those things down and say you consulted someone in a support chat online, and were told to investigate the causes of such things.... or however you find works for you to keep yourself SAFE.

let me just say in closing, that i used a brain repair technology called Holosync, that you can read about and even order at CenterPointe.com, which has been in use since the mid 80's and uses sound with stereo earphones to stimulate the brain to rebalance and even repair itself~! i also had some good results with acupuncture.

i don't want to sound like some space cadet, i have a good education and lots of experience working with people with Psychiatric Diagnoses. i have been very active on PC for 3 yrs, and have a good reputation here. i truely hope you are able to access something that works for you, while it is early days~.

best wishes,
Gus