Hello Cemetary,

Welcome to PC! I'm sorry that you are feeling so miserable with these intense emotional reactions to life.

Do you only have these symptoms in the evenings, or are your days emotional as well? Just curious if there is a general anxiety & depression that you're suffering from, or if there's something more specific causing your misery. For instance, other than your fear of your bf finding out about these intense emotional moments, are there other fears clouding your perception of life? Or, is your general perspective towards life pretty grey 24 hours per day, 7 days per week?

It doesn't sound as though you're seeing a T (therapist) or pDoc about this struggle either....although I may have misinterpreted your post. Have you considered going in for some help? I'm not real gung-ho on taking medications either, myself. It took a lot to get me to give it a try, but I won't bore you! That said, I have learned that sometimes medications can have wonderfully effective results upon us, and give us the "normal life" that we all deserve! It is not my place to tell you that you should or shouldn't be medicated either. It is simply my place to remind you of this service.

I have seen T's for many, many years ~ for a very wide variety of reasons as well. I am a big believer in T, personally. It has helped me work through many things in my past and present. I believe that it's worth the time and money ~ wholeheartedly.

Gentle hugs and very best wishes sent your way ~ take care!