So, I usually identify as my birth gender as it's just easier and doesn't cause me a lot of stress most of the time. But I feel like deep within me there's almost like another person of the opposite sex. So I feel like I'm both, but predominately my birth gender.

Fun fact—I was conceived literally right after my brother died so I always wondered if either his soul was transferred into my body and I have both a male and female soul or maybe just a male soul in a female body. I know a lot of people don't believe in that stuff...but I don't know, it was kinda freaky because if he hadn't have be born prematurely, I wouldn't have been conceived or born at all.

But back on topic...if I'm predominantly my birth gender but I feel like I simultaneously have the other gender within me would that make me? Or would I just be cisgendered because I have identified as such (even though I don't feel like that's entirely accurate)...I'm just not brave enough to visibly show my more male traits...I used to wear pretty much just "masculine" clothes but it's always scary the first time that you want to wear a tux around people that know you as a girl...and I feel like I've felt pressured to become more effeminate as my body shape has become more effeminate. But I yearn to be more androgynous, but without losing too much of my hair (I love my hair). I also sometimes wish I could have facial hair, a lower voice, the strength of a guy, and a smaller chest—my chest isn't huge, but it's big enough that I don't think I could ever pull off being "male". I've also wanted to start going by a more androgynous name as mine is pretty effeminate.

I've thought about whether I want a sex change or not, but realized that I'm fine with my biological gender, but wish I could express my gender somewhere in between.

I could go on about some of the confusion I've had...like guys (predominantly straight, I presume) complementing me on my tux/suits etc., but then making me feel like a freak when I wear a dress (I feel like a freak in a dress and most skirts anyway). I feel like I'm being treated like I'm a guy...it's very confusing. Guys get really mean, defensive, scared etc. if I express interest in them. With girls...even if they're straight, they don't seem to be offended (although I haven't really directly expressed interest in any so perhaps I'm wrong).

My point is, I present myself a "female", even though I don't feel like I am 100% female, but I'm treated like I'm a guy pretending to be female. And nearly everyone one here (in chat anyway) assumes I'm a guy...which doesn't bother me—I'm actually kind of proud of that. But, I'm also very confused. I'm also confused about my sexuality (I know that's a completely different thing, but for me there's an overlap). I think the male and female side of me are attracted to different people...like my male side likes more effeminate guys for example.