Wow..
I've always had issues with food.. i used to eat ONLY junkfood when I was in middle school and even high school.. My family began teasing me about being overweight about 3 yrs ago, but I ignored them and convinced myself that I was still 116lbs.
About 6 months ago, i looked in the mirror, without looking at my face, and pretended that my body was somebody else's.
I was terrified to see how fat I'd gotten. I felt like overnight I had gained like 30 pounds!!
I began to go to the gym and watching what I was eating,
I stopped eating at fast food places.. (the last time I ate at McDonalds was in May), and no more soda AT ALL.
I some how lost 10lbs..
About 2 months ago, I weighed myself and I still weighed too much.. about 142lbs and I'm only 5'1..
(I know, that's HUGE)!!
Now, after reading symptoms of anorexia, I've realized that I do alot of those things..
I barely eat enough during one day to make even a meal, i keep a food diary, im depressed, i isolate myself from everyone, i can't go shopping because I feel like I'm too fat because I am..and soo many others..
that's scary.
I know i have a problem but it's like I don't even care.
All I want to is to lose weight and be happy with my appearance.
I dont want to be healthy because i don't want to get fat.
I've been eating sooo much this past week and didn't even exercise ONCE! I am so ashamed of myself..
So now i starve myself.. yesterday, I ate 1/2 of a steak and some disgusting fries, and then coffee for lunch. It's past noon now and i haven't eaten a thing.
im so dumb, huh?
I know it's not good to have that kind of attitude but that's just how I feel.
I never thought that I would ever have an eating disorder, but i guess i was wrong.
Im so messed up.
and it doesn't even matter.
anyway, I don't know what to do..