Yesterday I told my husband I was going to kill myself by eating a bunch of rice. They say on the news it has arsenic in it (in amounts that are supposed to be okay). " Suicide by rice," I said. He said they would see the arsenic and accuse him.

Of course I was joking around, but I'm all too familiar with the feelings you describe. I'm 150 lbs overweight myself and I'm afraid to diet because I believe that part of what has brought me to this point is dieting (the other factor being meds). I lost eighty pounds six years ago and kept it off for three years. Then I went manic twice and gained it back plus ten lbs.

I just want you to know you're not alone. Things change, so hang in there.
Hugs!!!