I distinctly remember sitting in the bathtub at 9 yrs old sobbing because I couldn't tell if the world was 'real'. I thought I was alone and my world around me was an illusion. My mother had to work hard to convince me she was real. I was a severely depressed 6th grader. Unrecognized though. Probably I was cyclothymic until premenopause at 42 and some major life upheaval threw me into full blown bp1. Diagnosed at 43.