This morning I seriously debated the merits of throwing myself down 3 flights of stairs.

I reasoned that I could make it look like an accident.

I don't want to throw myself down the stairs, such an act could result in my death or serious paralysis, but I do want therapeutic attention.

Traditional self injury is old news; no one cares, no one pays attention, and its derisively viewed as melodramatic teenage behavior.

Ultimately, I have this longing to commit some sort of self inflicted act that shows everyone one else how much pain I'm in.

Verbal communication has failed on all fronts. I've tried, (god I've tried) to convey to various people how I'm feeling/what I'm feeling. IT.ALWAYS.BACKFIRES. Lay people become upset with me and turn my skewed emotions into something about them. Professionals stare at me with tired eyes, and automatically suggestion ANOTHER anti-depressant I should try.

No one wants to listen, and those who are paid to listen stop listening.

So I've decided to take a vow of silence, at least in regard to my emotions. No one needs to know about my overwhelming desire to give myself a broken leg, besides you anonymous internet folk.

No one needs to know.
because no one cares, until I show up with a cast on my left leg.