Ok. Here goes:

I have a pattern of becoming somewhat obsessed with women who are slightly older than me, generally those in some authority position (professor, boss, etc.). I've never actually had any romantic relationships with anyone.

So I'm currently seeing a therapist and I'm struggling because I think I'm majorly attracted to her. We have talked about the fact that I "love her" as someone who is supportive and safe, and that I would probably feel the same about any therapist. So we determined it wasn't really about her. She mentioned that if it was really about her, I would probably have to see someone else. I get the feeling she is nervous that it is really about her because that would be uncomfortable for her.

I'm also incredibly lonely right now, and I recognize that I am using her to fill several roles in my life (friend, mentor, etc.).
I think I am also somewhat envious of her - rationally I know she is not perfect, but I still imagine her and her life to be.

I have difficulty maintaining boundaries, and this has manifested in my emailing her compulsively. I crave hearing from her, knowing she is still there, feeling that she genuinely cares about me. We have talked about the emailing being an issue, and I very much understand it's not appropriate. Still, there are no official rules. I have tried to not email at all, but when I do send one she sometimes replies. Even when I try to ask about specific boundaries, I don't always get a clear answer.

More than anything, I wish she would give me a hug, or hold my hand. Or maybe tell me it's ok that I'm so attracted to her and we can work through it.

I guess what I'm wondering is...should I think about finding a new therapist? I'm not sure how much my being intensely attracted to her is because of her or because of my obsession tendencies. Would the same thing happen with another therapist?
I'm fairly unstable currently, and the idea of switching to a new therapist is absolutely terrifying!!
I can't stop thinking about this therapist though, and I feel like a disgusting person for being so attracted and attached to her. I feel like she must think I'm gross and creepy.
If I did decide to try a new therapist, how would I bring that up to my current one? Just thinking about not seeing her is seriously terrifying me.
Or how would I bring up how incredibly attracted to her I am and that I hate myself because of it?
When transferring to a new therapist, does anyone meet together with both the old and new one together to transition?
Any comments welcomed. Thanks!!!