I have the exact same thing with slightly older women. It's not romantic, just wanting the person to be the mom that I never had. It's been rough - for me and the people whom I fixated on. These have included a couple of Ts. One T handled it very well but we had to stop our work before we could really get to this issue because I moved. Another T didn't at all handle it well, didn't know how to handle it and it was disastrous. BUT this T has helped me enormously with learning to mother myself by mothering me as a model. I truly didn't know how to do it. I had thought at times that maybe I should find a male T (and once I did). But then I realized that doing so would just put off my healing because I would inevitably become fixated on someone else, likely someone who couldn't handle it and it would cause more hurt. For me, I had to work out these mother feelings in the context of an actual relationship, and one with someone who could handle my feelings for her, like my current T. She does hug me and hold my hand (when there is a reason, not just all the time) and it's worked for me. I had to become more dependent on her and her love and caring to become more independent and love/care for myself better.

I would try to find someone who is willing to work through this issue with you - and it is hard. No, you shouldn't hate yourself. I did for years, then one T said that I did what I did (fixating on mother figures) since a young age saved me - it was self-protective and made complete sense. My current T has echoed this and encouraged me to show compassion for the young, hurting child.

Good luck!