Perna:

In a recent post you said "I forget or don't realize when I'm supposed to ask people what they're thinking." I want to underscore the importance of asking (indirectly) what people are thinking and feeling.

A great psychotherapist, Carl Rogers, developed Non-directive or Client-Centered Therapy which is based on the notion that you can help another person by simply finding out all about what is going on within their thoughts and feelings. Many therapist, maybe 80%, use his method, consisting mostly of tolerantly probing a person's feelings, not by asking questions all the time but by trying to understand by way of empathy responses...and letting the client respond to your "understanding" comments in such a way that you get to know them in depth. Often when the therapist and the patient know so much about the background, the thoughts, and the causes of the feelings, then it is clear to both what is happening and what new actions or thoughts might by helpful. The therapist, in that situation, doesn't need to tell the patient what to do, the patient has discovered his/her own treatment.

This is an important idea...if everyone in the world, especially our leaders were more empathic (and less intent on directing the world), there would be many, many more good relationships...and more self-acceptance. Please ask questions if this is unclear (or see Listening and Empathy Responding in Chapter 13).

Perna, you and _Sky can help spread this idea around. It contains about half of what I think I "know."

drclay