I am, it'a just hard as hell, because every night I have to fight myself not to do something stupid, and it takes so much out of me just to convince myself that she'll still be there in the morning.... Since she's set that boundary, I haven't sent her any messages after 9:30, with the exception of things that she has asked I keep her up to date on, and although she never replies until the next day, there have been a few times when I can tell she's read it, because she kind of mentions it in passing in that nights emails...

This whole thing wasn't meant so much as an I don't want to keep this limit (I don't, but I have and I will continue to do so), it was more of an I need advice on how to get through those nights that are like pure hell because the one person I'm comfortable talking to isn't there...

I do realize how ridiculously lucky I am to have her sticking around on this sickening roller coaster ride... And while there are times I unintentionally treat her like crap, even on the downswings I try to let her know how much I appreciate her being there for me and being there with me...