Is there someone safe that you can turn your medications over to until these urges pass? I can understand how it can be really scary when you get urges such as this. Glad you came here to vent. Venting is definitely a better way to deal with tough emotions than taking too much medication. Medications that can leave you alive but damage organs such as kidneys, etc. If these urges presist please get in touch with you doctor or go directly to the emergency room. Wishing you well.