I'm sorry you've been struggling so much with this, Hippo. I could have written most of your original post, though I think I've been sometimes loath to admit to myself that my attachment to older female figures can sometimes manifest as sexual attraction.

I agree with others that you'll find that some Ts are much, much better at working with transference than others. I totally understand feeling anxious about going in and being honest with your T, but I think that's really important right now. Someone, at some point on the boards talked about mustering 20 seconds of courage to get out the difficult stuff. Sometimes it's helpful for me to think of it in those terms. You've already gotten the ball rolling, all you need to do is work off of that momentum tomorrow. I hope it goes well.