I have the same issue and it's been really, really challenging for me since maybe my early teens. I get totally fixated on older women--sometimes its a very sexual attraction, sometimes I want them to adopt me and be my mom and sometimes a bit of both. With my current T it's more that I need her to be maternal, I want her to be available to me all the time and I feel like I need almost endless comforting and reassurance. I had a strong sense when I first met her that she was very, very straight (and I'm not) and I didn't feel much potential for sexual attraction which I think is part of what allowed me to proceed with her. However, even without the sexual element I feel totally overwhelmed by my feelings for her, my neediness and my longing. It's very, very painful. I have just barely begun to talk about all of that with her.

I think you're so brave to have brought it up. I wish she had commended your courage and recognized what an amazing opportunity you and she now have to explore your feelings. You need a T who has the confidence and skill to work through this with you. I hope she rises to the occasion. You are not a gross person for feeling this way.

With respect to emailing, it makes sense that you'd feel insecure and need more contact after she's kind of been nervous and not expressed any kind of confidence that this is okay and you will work through it together. Maybe if you express yourself better in writing you could lay out some boundaries/guidelines about email. Like make it clear that email is part of your therapy and for eg you will send her updates every Sunday, Tuesday and Friday to which she'll respond with a brief, friendly acknowledgement and then will use those emails to help guide your sessions when you meet. It could be your homework. If she feels she needs to, she can charge extra for it. Then you don't need to wonder if its really okay and you have some structure to work within for the rest of the week.