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Arwen_78 · Sep 09, 2013, 10:48 PM

I don't know why I've decided that it could be an important roll for me to write a blog, or to try and write a blog, on a mental health site? Originally, I planned to keep it as a journal for when I visit the psychologist for the first time in 15 years. I want to be able to talk with the psychologist and be as honest as I can. I'm really still trying to figure out if I'm truly ADD or just a child who was caught up in a buzzword of the mental health craze.

When you first meet me now, at the age of 34, the first thing you think is "She seem normal." I'm bubbly, friendly, bright and just a little bit the life of the party in my group of friends... yet sometimes the shyest. In fact, I might be the first of us to say hello, yet I'm social stupid! I never get why guys hit on me. I usually shy away from attention from guys, not because of being in a relationship more of the fact I can't tell how far they are trying to go. I just normally think the worst. I have a great long-term memory, my parents had me play memory games when I was younger. I'm never late, I'm always early, when I was little I played sports and it had been drilled into me that if you showed up 15 mins. early you were on time and if you were on time you were late. My self-esteem is alot higher than it has been now as I'm with a great guy. I could name lots of things to why I'm not a normal ADD adult but I am really.

I'm not over chatty but once started I seem not to stop, that is a part of why I'm not overly chatty. I know that once I start talking I might say things I shouldn't to people I barely know. I'm able to control it better in online chatrooms. I waste alot of my energy trying to control my thoughts and myself. My mind still runs a million miles a minute yet I somehow keep it all inside. As of lately I've been allowing myself to be ADD again after a few years to see how bad I really still am. I'm just as bad as before but I'm getting better in some areas.

One of them is starting things, I'm half and half here, and not finishing them. If I've started something that is enjoyable I'll finish, problem is I sometimes can't just step away from it. In fact, right now I should be doing my C# programming homework but I just feel like I have to finish this because I started it a few hours ago! Also a few project I meant to start over the summer. I bought at least $77 worth of scrapbook stuff that I was going to make an album of 2012 vacations. It's now Aug. and I'm back in school and it's still in it's book. I've also since bought two more smaller scrapbooks just because they were neat and I had plans for them at a later date. I also buy things because I want what "They have" as in I'll see a nice purse and I'll have to buy it, do I need it? No of course not I have about 15+ purses of different sizes and shapes! Same goes for notebooks, I'll buy one lose it buy another and try to carry it everywhere I go because I like to write but once I've written just poems in one I "need" another for stories. Sometimes I even tick myself off at me. I'm sure I could add much more here!

I'm also bad about buying books. I bought a Nook first edition about 2 years ago... a year later had my BF help me get a Nook color. I gave him my old Nook. Yet, I still buy real books??? Three books that I have just picked up were self help books for ADD. 1.) "Adult ADD the Complete Handbook" by David B. Sudderth, M.D. and Joseph Kamdel, M.D. (it's a little dated, copyrighted 1997, but it's been useful in a way.) 2.)"Making The Grade with ADD: A student's guide to succeeding in college with Attention Deficit Dicorder" by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, PH.D. 3.) "The Real Deal on Relationships, Finding Your Focus & Finding Your Keys. ADHD According to Zoe" by Zoe Kessler. I'm hoping that they help me.

Anyways, this is just the first of a blog I would like to have on here. Just to see what if anyone would read the blog. Let me know what you all think? Would you like to join me on my journey of self discovery?