Hi there,
I have had OCD since I was about 8 years old. At that time what I was diagnosed with was Tourette's but unbeknownst to any of the adults I was also plagued with severe obsessive negative thoughts.
I have cycled through many obsessive thoughts. One of the first ones to become a serious issue was the fear of schizophrenia. Then eventually I began to fear rejection and abandonment in my romantic relationships. I also would fear that I didn't really love my girlfriends or that I would somehow cheat on them. But the worst, most destructive fear has been the fear of betrayal/abandonment.
I am currently in a relationship that has been going on for a year and some weeks. My girlfriend is like superwoman. She is so supportive and dedicated. However, we are long distance and while we have had many visits sometimes months long, when she is away my anxiety can sometimes get carried away to the extent that I constantly am panicking that she will cheat on me or break up with me.
I don't want to do this to her anymore. I don't want to destroy our relationship. And of course, I really don't want to feel this pain anymore!
Thanks for reading this. I don't know why I have neglected to join an OCD forum for so long. I am looking forward to connecting with others like me.
|