Thanks all! I guess I just don't want to own up to my actions....but BPD has to take some responsibility no? I mean, I would be a lovely person without it. But I get what you're all saying, I must take responsibility in order to take control and change my actions. They are just so deep rooted I fear I will never take control let alone responsibility. Taking responsibility I fear will lead me believing I am an awful person

Thanks for words of wisdom and hugs...need both today