I don't know if I can post this.
yesterday I was stuck between two flooded washes for 5 hours , not that I cared about it much that happens this time of year flash flooding.
today I woke up still drizzling rain ok I love rain . my daughter did the normal morning text I love that . but as the first hours went by today
my depression my sadness my hopelessness everything became so over whelming in my head I started crying uncontrollably and decided to just do it.. I lost my faith just over a year ago . but in this lost state of emotion I ask the lord for help .. in my head what about the dog ? go in the house ... by the way is totally unlivable now has to be torn down..
I am still unable to control my emotions I open the plastic tub that has my things in it and lift out the bible still asking for help , mind you I am ready to do it . and I just randomly open it and out falls a picture of my granddaughter .. that's why the voice said that's why ! understand it will destroy her if you do this . so here I am telling this. still crying but I know I can go on some how I can go on some how I can go on some how.......