Something happened to me today that took me off guard but really got me thinking. I've had this dark cloud hanging over me for a while now. I've felt worthless, sadness, anger, lonely and who knows how many other negative emotions. For some reason, out of the blue I asked myself if I actually wanted the depression to lift. I've had people give advice on ways to help myself and I've read similar advice being given to others in a similar situation. Its all good advice but I wasn't doing it for some reason. Am I afraid to feel better? I can't explain why but by asking these questions I feel I've taken a small step closer to feeling better. Its like I had to admit to myself I'm standing in the way of feeling happy again. Time will tell. Might sound weird but in my messed up mind it makes sense.