Mowtown, I just wanted to "add" here that the human brain is pretty "amazing" and while I know you are struggling, you need to give yourself a chance to "finally heal".

You have been misdiagnosed and confused by people who are "supposed to know better". That is triggering too, because your parents were also "supposed to know better" and let you down too. I am sure you are "angry and frustrated" about that, well, "me too". But, Mowtown, you have the capacity to grow past all of this and
finally "heal" in spite of it, however, it does take time and lots of patience, especially patience with "self".

There is nothing wrong with shedding some tears and feeling anger and even disappointment, however, it is "very important" not to allow yourself to "re-enforce" what ever negative you have experienced that hurt you. Always remember this journey is about "healing" and that means "you" have to "comfort you" and not allow yourself to feed into feeling "worthless or somehow inadequate" as a person. You are just "finally" taking the time to really "help that hurt child in you as well as whatever other trauma you experienced in your life".

I always thought that whatever I lived though, I just got past and kept going somehow, I never realized that I walled it off and could relive it all again with this thing called PTSD. I am pretty angry about that tbh, and I really hate when people are "dismissive" and hand out the "just deal" comments.

PTSD is Up and Down in the healing process, the healing is not a steady climb and it "does" take time, and yes it can be tiring sometimes, but it will eventually "level out" with time, how long depends on what is there to "work through", each person is a little different, however the "challenges" are pretty much the same as far as the symptoms go.