hi, i'm a semi-frequent poster here who suffers from bi-polar type 2 & schizoaffective disorder.... however lately (last 2 days) i've been hit with some anxiety and depression. I just wanted to share some of the things in my life i'm trying to process.

well first is as of 6 months ago i was informed that my blood pressure was really high (i'm on medication), and that i need to take immediate steps to curb it. I'm a pack a day smoker, and heavily addicted, and it's going to be difficult to quit that. I was excercising alot in the beginning but i've kind of stopped that. i have my share of caffeine everyday too. with the whole blood pressure thing i'm not really facing it, and i'm trying to brush it under the rug. I need to face this, but i'm having trouble.

It's got to the point I called my psychiatrist today (we meet tomorrow) and told here i was experiencing anxiety, and that I thought getting my blood pressure taken would ... push me too far. so that's where i am on that.

i've missed my last 2 visits to my therapist because frankly i was doing well, and thought i thought i didnt need to see him, but also because attending the treatment center always gives me anxiety (being in the waiting room with the chronically ill) and i would rather avoid going there. i'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, and i will be bringing up my current symptoms...

i'm still working but on a stroke of luck, i was able to get out early today when i was having a hard time. i was getting into my head, and trying to solve what's going on with me... and it was very distressing as thoughts just kept bombarding me, and upsetting me. at one point i remembered mindfulness, and began telling myself "in one ear and out the other.", and it seemed to improve my condition a little.

after work today i laid around awhile, then went for a walk by the lake with my dad. i was upbeat, but still in pain. i began to feel better later that afternoon, but just as night fell i popped an ativan to just take me to tomorrow.

well that's the stuff going on with me. i'd appreciate any advice, or thoughts. i'm gearing up by refreshing on coping skills for tomorrow. any hopefully this will just be a blip, and things will fall back into place by tomorrow, or the next few.

thanks for reading,
- BB