I think wanting to be friends with them on the outside is sometimes to do with wanting to translate that nurturing you get in therapy into your personal life. Like a limitless supply of nurturance or unlimited access to that care. Not all of us have had that type of care growing up which leaves a massive space in our hearts needing filled up. Mostly it's just fantasy that nestles in a child-like place in us. Because the reality of trying to be friends would most likely be horrible. As adults we realise they can't be our adoptive parent or guardian angel and friends would be the next best thing.

I think that's how it is for me when i wished i could be friends with exT.