I'm going to ask my T to decide what to do about him. I'm sure he's safe here but he doesn't need to be like this. At the same time I have to wonder if it's me trying to 'get rid of him' because of how I'm being or maybe it's to give him a break from me. He's completely de-humanize everyone into bags of flesh and chemicals. For him to go to that extreme is a very bad. He's usually oversensitive to others. At the same time the words I say are getting to him, I'm being very harsh, and confrontational.

At this point I'm drained, numb and filled with anxiety. I'm not sleeping, would rather not eat, only talking 'screaming' to fight with anyone, noise is to loud, and Miguel broke my headphones. So I can't even block them out. It's almost like I'm pushing him towards making that decision. I told him today "Don't **** with me, I'll end up racing you, and one of us will have to loss stay with Miguel." Saddest part if anything happened to either of us I don't think I'd care.