I'm not you, psychmajortwenty2--but if I were doing & planning to do what you are, it would be not because I was bored. I would be back using, actively addicted again.
Maybe I would rationalize ... not sure about that. I drank for over a decade after losing those I thought I couldn't live without. After 20 yrs recovery I learned I could--and be happy.
I'm sorry you're going through what you are, but honesty will help.
Roadie