Have read several of your post, re your father.
You were always told or treated with hatred.
So it IS logical to feel that way.
That's all you knew growing up.
As you state you've accomplished alot & should be proud.
I'm proud of you & don't know you from Adam .
Glad you have a T and pdoc that are hopefully a good fit.
Don't know if this helped.
Just wanted you to know you've been heard & believed.
You are not him & that's commendable. You are you.

Hang in there & keep posting.