Oh wow. That's really interesting insight into the clean house issue Recto. I have a couple of thoughts...

1) just as the desire for a "clean house" is kind of a metaphor for an end to shame, can the vacuum from your T represent that kind of cleaning/healing? Can it be her way of caring for you, providing the tools to feel free make the shame vanish? (This is a little more out there than I usually am... But to me if the dirt is a metaphor, so too can the vacuum be!)

2) The "bringing infertility on ourselves" thing makes me want to scream. As though the pain of it wasn't enough without having to blame yourself too. BUT I think what most people mean by that isn't that you're being punished by god or the universe for not being a good person but that it represents a kind of ambivalence about having children or that you've waited too long before trying. To be clear, I think that's absolute crap. I just bring it up because I imagine its very painful to believe that your T thinks you deserve infertility for not being good.

3) Have you talked to your T about feeling like she's not acting like your therapist anymore? I think that's at least worth a try. But if it doesn't change things I agree that you need therapy and shouldn't have to worry about her loneliness. (I thought stopping by for the occasional visit was a nice idea.)