I know, because I am such a person and married one.

But the thing is, in superficial social situations, to be open and honest is not permitted. One is expected to play a role, which I do not consider deception but social lubrication. However, many people get lost in this, considering it the fundamental reality. Those of us who suck at roles (autism spectrum) are less likely to get transfixed in that way. In my case, that describes myself and my husband. I have also had a non-AS friend or two who are very genuine as well. It takes time to feel it out and pay attention to your doubts and judgments about them. And never let things slide. If there is an uncomfortable twinge, trust it. Some people don't produce those twinges ever. Some people are unwaveringly loving. It does not mean they can never put themselves first, but they will be honest if asked. No twinges.

Edit: I am not claiming to be kind and caring WITH EVERYONE. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I think people are a waste of space and wish they were the first ones out of the lifeboat.