You need to see a professional. Your experiences could be coming form many many different issues. The only one who would really be able to help you figure it out and get your life back would be a professional.
I'm so sorry things are so scary for you right now. I hope that you have the strength to reach out to someone in real life and talk to them. Your doctor would be a good start, or a therapist, someone who can give you referals to see a trained professional. Best wishes. IJ