Dear Indigo, my heart goes out to you. I can tell you are in much emotional pain. You have more courage than you realize. (When I go to exercise class, I can't get anyone to talk to me. After 1.5 years, I am still not good at the routines, but hey, it makes me feel great!)
I am not happy either. I can't remember the last time I was. BUT, I choose contentment. Sure, its hard. Every morning I give thanks for all my blessings. For example, I am unemployed, but I give thanks for my vehicle to go job hunting.
You are already loved. Your heavenly Father loves you! Choose to believe it.
My heart has been crushed and ripped out many times. When my head stops spinning, I pick myself up and go on.
I am financially poor. I see a therapist through a county program for the poor.
Dear, you sound like you struggle with self-esteem problems. So do I. Every day I declare something positive, such as "Today IS a great day!"
Read a really amazing book, Life Without Limits, by Nick Vujicic. He is a hero to me.
I have been on this forum but a short time, and I have found support, understanding, and some compassion. It's ok to need to talk to someone. I feel that same need. God bless you.