[quote=growlycat;3273282]found this:

GOOD-ENOUGH
It stands in contrast with the "perfect" mother who satisfies all the needs of the infant on the spot, thus preventing him from developing.

Her failure to satisfy the infant need's immediately induces the latter to compensate for the temporary deprivation by mental activity and by understanding. Thus, the infant learns to tolerate for increasingly longer periods both his ego needs and instinctual tensions. (Winnicott, 1977, p. 246).

Sorry, OP, but this intrigued me, so commenting on Winnicott:

I highlighted the two parts I'm referring to. This seems precisely where so many patients and therapists butt heads: satisfying *all* needs vs some and satisfying needs *immediately* vs not. I get the wisdom of what Winnicott is saying here, though. If the therapist attempts to be 'perfect', attempts to satisfy all needs and immediately, then this will inhibit the growth of the patient, if not stunt it... But when this, I'll call it 'delayed and incomplete satisfaction,' does not correspond to patients' expectations, or, on the other hand, if the therapist attempts to be 'perfect' rather than 'good enough' it seems that, sooner or later, all hell can break loose.