Brookester, yes most of the issues so surrend the adoptive mother....she's 80 yrs old now and until recently still continued to pass her shame over to me...but because of thereapy I was able to stick up for myself and say "you know what mum? I ain't all bad"...man did that stop her in her tracks lol...she's never disrespected me since that day about 8months ago...I no longer wish to "attack" her verbally like I use too...infact I feel pity for her...what kind of life and lack of caring must she have had? that doesn't mean I excuse her, but at least I have some understanding...and your point about not trusting authority figures is a very important point...your right...I didn't and don't ....I'd not connected those 2 things together before thanks that has given me some food for thought.....as recovering alcoholic myself I even struggled to trust AA :-(

and sky yes I can be wired so tight also and I think tell myself I am hearing or reading things that are not really being said :-(

thanks for all the replys. been a very useful thread for me.