Not just skip out. Actually quit. It's all so pointless. One day up...next one, so far back behind that I can't even see any benefits of the day before.
My so called family is a nightmare. I'm 38 years old and my biological mother still has this ability to trigger me. For years, I really believed she no longer had that. power. I have no attachment to her. No warm fuzzies. So, why am I so angry that she has learned absolutely nothing after all the Hell she's put me through. She should never have had children and I should never have been born!!!

My T has been amazing but therapy just can't work for me. I know she's trying to foster trust and attachment but I can't do this. I can't communicate my feelings in my sessions so going is pointless. Recently I've tried emailing periodic journal entries and I even wrote a letter to her. However, I've had full blown panic attacks today just thinking about them sitting in the inbox waiting. My words. My feelings. I can't share these things with anyone. Not even T. I think about sitting in front of her and literally hearing my words going through her head. I would've felt better if she had read them already but they are unopened and I can't sit there knowing she read them earlier in the day. They're still too close to me. I tried asking her to read them before the day of but my text messages always confuse her. I can't even communicate in text message. How pathetic.

I literally feel like I'm 4 years old... But even here that's the most I can say about how I'm feeling right now. I'm driving myself crazy and she must be at her wits end. I'm too much work and there's no payoff. I can't do what she needs me to do. It's just way too painful and I can't keep going & wasting her time when she could actually be helping someone else. Also, My growing attachment wont get any easier for me to deal with. This growing attachment isn't going to get easier either and i cant do it either. its just too painful to not be alone.I'd rather disappoint her now then for her to come into her office and find my name on the list of her patients that end up in the hospital or morgue. That's where it's going. That's where it's always been going.
I'll never escape, therapy or no