JON, I've had and expressed the same feelings you are having. I was given the same advice you have been given. Not everybody is in the same stage of recovery nor are we all as ready to leave our comfort zone as the next person.

I've been down so deep in the hole that I couldn't see daylight. I've also been out of the hole. One thing for certain, Life in general has it's ups and downs and we with mental health issues are no exception whether we're on meds or in therapy or none of the above.

In my experience, my highs have been higher and my lows have been lower. A week ago, I was riding high, this week, I want to stay mostly in my solitary hole. I don't want to be strong! I don't want "to get over it!" Sometimes it's damned near impossible to take yourself by the bootstraps and pull yourself up. Sometimes you want help, sometimes you don't, depending on the severity of the situation or how each individual's brain chemicals are working. We can't simply "get over it." It doesn't work that way anymore than you can tell a cancer patient "get over it."

In my opinion, I'm usually one that is always on top. Sometimes I feel that I can help encourage someone and sometimes it's all I can do to keep myself on top. There have been events in my life the last three days that I just don't want to get over just like that. Two of those events are deaths of people I loved very much in as many days. It's not good "to get over it." The grief process has to be gone through. However, the culmination of events that happened last night CAN be done something about. It's just getting the energy to get up and look in the phone book for a Family Mediator and then there's the energy and fortitude I have to work up to talk to a family member to convince him that is the right way to go... and all this while I'm grieving over my lost loved ones.

As a matter of fact, I am getting ready to post to my friends here that I need attention! I need validation! I need some words of encouragement! I AM IN PAIN and I need the love and care that my understanding friends here can give me. It's difficult for me to ask for help, but ask I will! I don't know how long it will take me to recover from these blows, but however long it takes, it's okay by me because I've learned that each one of us grows at different speeds and it's okay to give yourself permission to stop and rest, especially if you've been bustin' buns to stay afloat.

I also believe that everything happens for a purpose and that each of us is right where we're supposed to be. There are more lessons to be learned than just climbing back out of a hole and finding the right toe holes. There are lessons to be learned in the dark pit of despair and depression as well as the lessons learned climbing out and being on top.

Ozzie is right in saying that those who are on top also need to learn patience. There have been times when I've thrown a fit, literally, because I sensed the inaction of others here on the board. I threw my fit because I needed dragged out of the hole I was in but had not recognized it. In essence, I was screaming "Will someone PLEASE make a move upward so that I can latch on to your belt loop and I can take a step forward, too!?" You know what? She found me! My angel on this board found me and PMed me her "belt loop." You want to know something else? She hasn't been "on top" for a while but yet she had an insight to my problem and helped me however she could. Lucky for me, it was exactly what I was needing.

I will leave you with this quote: "If you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem." I don't mean to offend or hurt because it's a quote I use on myself quite often.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>