Hello everyone, this is my first post ever regarding the issues that I have. First I've been battling with a lot of self doubt for a few years which has made me depressed and anxious though I've never been diagnosed but I have been to a psychiatrist a few times which offered little to no help to me.

For the past two months I've locked myself in my room because I really have no one to turn to, no friends to talk to. I just started college again, which I'm happy to be at because I get to be around people, but I have a hard time taking that first step to be friend someone. There has been people who have tried to talk to me but I really can't think of anything say for some reason. I think of myself as a nice person, but I've come to the conclusion that my quietness says other wise, and everyone just thinks I'm weird.

A few days ago I sort of had a breakdown and I think I was having a panic attack which lasted for a few hours. And im certain the trigger was loneliness. It finally stopped when an old aquaintance, who is this amazing girl messaged me on Facebook.

I feel like I go through this allot, where Im hit with loneliness and despair followed by extreme optimism till something in my life triggers and I start spiraling.

Then I started having these really vivid disturbing dreams where I feel angry, afraid,betrayed,and alone.And I wake up only being out for 2 hours and I can't fall back asleep after another few hours. Then I have another disturbing dream, and my talking in my sleep wakes me up. I wake up feeling absolutely anxious and it affects the rest of my day. I tried going to school today but I just couldn't do it, couldn't think didn't want to talk to anyone even if.i wanted to.and came home to sleep because I was exhausted. And I had another one of those dreams where all I feel is total ****. I know they are just dreams, but they manifest from somewhere in my head, and im trying to change, I haven't always been like this. I used to be a happy person. I feel much calmer now then I was a few hours ago. I smoke cigarettes like a chimney and suspecting that could be a problem. Sorry for the long post. I just want these dreams to stop because its keeping me from achieving my real goals in life that will make me feel whole again. Any Ideas? Thanks!