Thank you, CantExplain. I'm going to try to look at it that way. I have a very close friend whom I rarely see, but I know we care very much about each other. At the moment, I feel closer to my T than to anyone, so it's still going to be a loss. I've never been able to talk so honestly to anyone. I've got to remember that's because she's my T, not because she's a friend. She told me yesterday to think of her in a special category.

We've had a lot of threads about whether Ts really care, and what the relationship really is, and the bottom line is that most Ts do care, and it IS a real relationship with limits. I learned last week that what I say does affect my T, and even though it was about me and not meant to insult my T, it did hurt her. There are feelings on both sides. Just because it's a T's job doesn't mean they don't have feelings about us, and that they can't be affected by what we say.

It's hard to give up a T when we come into therapy wanting the relationship we never had. We get it, hopefully internalize it, and then can leave in a better place. I know I'm in a better place but it's still bittersweet.

I feel like I can always go to my T for a hug--not a real one though I like those too, but an emotional hug. Writing that makes me cry. I so much wish I could cry with her--just once before I quit.