If only there was a way to get rid of the depression, and especially the mixed phases, because the mixed phases are so full of turmoil. I wish I could stay hypomanic forever, people like me better when I'm up. The past month I've had days of mixed- both up and down simultaneously.

When I'm mixed I feel like starting a new life, and ending my life at the same time.

I feel like crying and laughing. I feel love and hate. I feel so in touch with the beauty around me and yet at the same time that nothing really matters, and I am so small in the grand scheme of things that I am ultimately worthless...

Does anyone go through this? What do you do?