Even since my friend ask “Why now?” when I informed them that I was getting help with my ADD I’ve been thinking. I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks anyways but I felt like I had to be able to answer her. I gave her a copped out answer that I just felt like I needed it. After that she was like “I don’t think you act any different now.” I wanted to rip into her but I just gave a “oh, come on.” Look at her. I then just remarked how after reading some blogs, books and stuff on this site I saw that much more research has been done and it looks as if it will be easier for them to help me find the right fix if I have to be medicated.

Anyways, I have asked myself “why now” many times and each time has been the same. I miss apart of me that I had back then. I’m so forced to focus on everyday life and what not to does that I’ve lost the creative side of me. It’s there and shows up here and there like a breath of fresh air. Then I’m back to working or student life. I feel so tired that I barely have time for me. When I make time for me and let the ADD take control… I’m back to my bad habits. I’m so busy with life lately that I’m having sleeping problems right now. My head hurts with all actively I’m allowing to happen!


Then I realize that the people I look up to are all photographers, artist, writers, and people who seem to find the time to work and fit it all in to their life! “Why can’t I do that and do it as well as them? I can do each of those thing well enough.” I really want to be photographer/writer but I know there is no money in it. I don’t even have the kind of time to get in the mood I need to be in to do these things, I can’t even write ideas down at work because I use an app. to keep them organized.


Then there is part of me who just wants to be alone but I have a boyfriend who I love… so I have to make him feel like I want him. I just want to find a way to balance it all!