Hi, I have ADD, I was diagnosed at the age of 5 and am now 17. I have been taking medication since diagnosis (previously Ritalin and now medikinet).

I have noticed in the past year that I have become more and more aware of what my ADD does to the people around me. Mainly this means I have very few friends and at least once a week spark a massive family confrontation.

I try to hide in my room and play on xbox as it is the one place I can communicate with people online. My mum thinks the xbox is an excuse to not socialise and doesn't understand that I can socialise... to an extreme... I CAN'T STOP TALKING! Other than that I am socially backward... I don't go out and spend every night doing homework or playing on my xbox.

I find I put extreme amounts of effort into my school work, spending up to 4 hours each night doing homework, achieving high grades in class assessments but then when it comes to the exam I don't get grades that reflect me. nor the amount of effort I put in. I feel most of my work goes unrecognised and am in and out of different jobs unable to keep one.

What most concerns me is my mood swings. I hate what I do to the people I love. Most of the time now I feel lost and "dead inside" unable to describe how I feel but am overwhelmed by the smallest of things and break down at least once a week.

I have thought of how death would be to my family when I get into fights and am blamed for e.g. "ruining holidays", I look at hour I effect them and have caused my parents to almost divorce several times. NEVER ONCE I have I attempted suicide (mostly out of fear and cowerdness)

I feel like I can't talk to anyone in my family. My mum who would be my best option doesn't understand me and makes me feel worse (not intentionally), and laughs off things such as me claiming to be depressed, she is not a "hugging" person. My boyfriend would be the next option but he has Asperger's, so struggles to understand, and also lives too far away to help me the amount of times I need him.

But most of all in the past year I have realised how little it takes to overwhelm and upset me, how easy it is to feel confused and am not motivated to do anything. I hate what I do and want it to stop, I don't want to fail at school and I don't want to break my family apart. I hate myself all the time.

Any tips or advice? I want to stop hurting, to start being positive and actually take pride in my work, a massive flaw of mine is to compare myself to others, so that I am never satisfied.