I think I am aware of what you are referring to, where this is coming from and why you are fearful (I am sorry you were raised also to think women were less-than. I hope you are working on knowing deep down that is NOT true).

The most important thing in any potentially romantic relationship is that you take things slowly. No one should EVER feel pressured to do anything they dont want. Especially sex.

The essential ingredients are honesty, mutual respect, communication and (finally) commitment. These elements help lead to the "big one": trust. If any of these 4 elements are missing, the relationship most likely won't work out because then (unmet) expectations and second guessing are involved.

If after a time, when you feel comfortable, it is important to share your thoughts and feelings about intimacy with your S/O. You will be able to do that when you feel trust. Try not to pressure yourself or rush yourself. There are really good guys out there. When you feel you can trust one enough to share, give him a chance. You may be surprised

I think one of the big problems these days regarding romantic relationships is that people are in such a hurry, they don't talk. They don't talk about the big things and the things that are important to them. They don't take that risk out of fear, or immaturity, or feelings of embarrassment, and then get entangled in marriage and then have to face it at some point when it is much more difficult to handle.

Deal-breakers for each person should be discussed prior to getting married. And if we are too embarrassed or scared to share these things, we probably should not be with that person in the first place.

Unmet expectations and lack of real communication (disrespect and fear) are what cause failures and breakdowns, like wandering eye syndrome, emotional infidelity, cheating and extramarital affairs.

My dear, take things slow, and when the right man comes along and the right time pops up, you will feel it.

(ps, a huge dealbreaker for me in a relationship is if the communication broke down and my S/O or I were unable to discuss what was going on with us in the "big deal" department. That only leads to speculation, unhappiness and insecurity for the other party and that is not a loving, caring thing to put our partner through)