Quote:
Originally Posted by boredporcupine
Yes. I'm not saying things are perfect now, but when I started in therapy I was constantly convinced my T was right about to get fed up with me at any moment, and I oscillated between thinking she cared too much (scary) or that she didn't care at all. I never worry about that any more. Also in the beginning I used to miss my T during breaks so much it was physically painful, I couldn't hold onto an image of her in my mind, and often she would turn evil on me (in my head) halfway through the weekend. By contrast, this week I am taking a week off voluntarily and T is just the same in my head as always, not am I suffering from separation pains.
It really was an agonizing process of learning to take in care, learning to ask for and accept reassurance, learning she wasn't going to get fed up. It wasn't much fun at all but the results are worth it.
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How long did this process take for you? I've been seeing my T for a long time now (like 6 months or more...) and I still have all those problems you listed in your post. I still hold back and worry about wasting my T's time. And I still think my problems aren't important enough to talk about. I still cut my T off emotionally sometimes and I don't even always understand why or notice until its already done. I still worry about so much and feel so sad and empty. I want to move forward but I.just.cant. I'm frustrating to myself and my behaviors frustrates T (he told me so). I'm starting to lose hope that I can really be any different than this but I'm trying to hold onto something. Any ideas? Did it just happen for you? How do you learn to take in care and that she wasn't going to get fed up?