There are no stupid questions. And if anyone tells you so, walk away. I know it is hard to speak up for yourself ... try to be kind to yourself, though. Considering the way you were raised, and the description of the role models in your life, it will take time to feel comfortable...when we move outside our comfort zone, it feels awkward.

I am sort of old-fashioned and think that men spend time with women in their free time when they have an interest. Whether it be romantic or otherwise. But in personal time, more often than not, it is safe to assume it is a romantic interest if they are interested they will continue to want to spend time with you. With men, it is pretty simple

(Maybe some other members here can weigh in on this)

Discussing "dealbreakers" ... when you feel comfortable to broach the subject, bring it up. Trust yourself. Take a deep breath, and find a way that is most comfortable for you. Talk about what is important to you. People are most attractive when they are human. I think speaking from the heart is beautiful. I think when someone is real and speaking from their heart, or talking about something that is important to them, they are beautiful. Deceit (to me) is what is unattractive ... wherher it be to oneself or others.

My fiance traveled quite a bit, so he and I used to write letters to each other. When we both knew we were in it for the long term, we would ask each other how we felt about the "big" things. It was actually kind of fun! Some thing we felt a little embarrassed to share, but we loved each other so it was worth the risk.

Some couples go to their pastor or rabbi or cleric for pre-wedding counseling. Some couples go to couples therapy before they get married if one member is having a hard time bringing things up or even just to talk certain things out with a moderator. But that usually happens down the road.

I do believe in monogamy myself. So if I do decide to be intimate with someone (however long into a relationship), I do bring that up. And then we talk about it. For instance, if I am attracted to someone and they are with someone else, I will not be with them. If I am with someone and they are not seeing anyone else, if we are not in a committed relationship, I want to know if they are with someone else, because that would put the brakes on things for me. If they think I am being weird or whatever, I dont care. That just tells me we arent right for each other.

The bottom line is that in any circumstance, I want my S/O to be honest with me and talk to me. I expect them to give me the opportunity to make a decision. Not make it for me by omitting things.

I have written this before in other threads, but I feel once the trust is broken, it is very difficult to get it back.