going thru major shock rt now. took some quizes, and i'm amess my dr's barely have an idea what is wrong with me. it's been schizoeffective, schizo paranoid type. and i think they have BPD. so i researchedf it. scary. as much as i hate to admidt it i've been wrong all these yrs about how others are to blame. I still tink they could educate them selves about my condition to better suport me. but first it's like they don't believe me. wish it weren't true, or can pray it away so i'll be normall and not embarres them . I'm on disability, but they call me lazy and a freeloader . i don't want to be mantally ill. nobody trusts u. credibilty shot. and they fear me especially when i'm off my meds. no one is involved in my treatment so how do they know what meds if any work and they took the tough love approch for the longest time. that hurt. when ineeded the most love and support they abandon me again. just like growing up. neglect neglect neglect. i need to learn to not need to rely on anybody, so if i don't getit together and he leaves finnaly this time may be for the best. all he does is provoke me and mauk me, ignore me, and theripy or not if others are not helping but contiuing to punish degrade and avoid me . how can i get better? they wont forgive me for my mistakes, much less for being sick. i'm so scared and fustrated, how do i get them to see?