You are very much human unhappy. I have read some of your posts before. I can tell you have trouble identyfing with the gay community. It's the being a minority within a minority feeling. You feel like an anomaly. At least, this is what I am getting from you. You should satisfy your sexual urge. It's supposed to be fun, but I know issues can make sex feel out of realm.

I have read another one of your threads before. You can overcome this. Depriving yourself of it will be one less thing you have to enjoy in your life. I didn't come out until twenty and I had been sexually active up until about nine months ago (I had a nervous breakdown and now I am going to re-evaluate my life). Sex can range from fun to more, who knows what friends you'll make and social settings you'll find. Any T can tell you that.

I have medicaid and know your resources are limited. Go with what you can. I am sorry potential Ts were treating you like that. It's better to know now that they can't treat you as opposed to later.