((To All))

These kinds of honest and open discussions are why I love PC. They help me realize I'm not alone and that we often have more in common with one another than we think.

My parents' marriage was loveless, mean and sometimes volatile. Growing up I heard over and over that I was the last chance to carry on the family name. That made me feel the only reason I was born was a last-ditch attempt for a boy to carry on the name and I felt unwanted, unneeded, a waste of their effort, an undesirable gender, and born with a responsibility regarding the name (I lived up to that by having a son without being married; he will continue the family name now).

I have laughed inappropriately many times. I probably appeared to be uncaring, insensitive, and self-centered at those times when actually I was afraid of my real feelings or didn't know how to express them. Laughter can be a cover for deeper feelings, Mouse. It can cover feelings a person is afraid to allow. Your birth mother might well have been very distraught inside, yet she had the compassion and love to do what she thought was best for you. Laughter can be false bravado; I imagine giving up her baby was not at all an easy thing for her.

I'm so glad you are going to talk to your T about what you are feeling. It is so good to get things like that out into the open.

I'm glad you're here Mouse.


ECHOES