please do not feel guilty about your mom. you did the best you could do at the time. it's easy to sleep into the guilty mode and hard to get out of it. but try your best to not go there. you'll stay stuck.

as for as your family goes, we've all got 'em and part of the time we all want to get rid of 'em......detaching and making a life for yourself sounds like it's probably what you're working on and may be best in the long wrong.

i'm sorry that your depression is so bad. it's a hard time of the year for all of us and we have to hang together. please keep posting because the more you post, the more support you will receive. xoxox pat