I is good to hear how extreme your feelings are. It's hard for me to put to words when i'm really down and sick, so people don't always get it how badly I am doing. Sometimes, if you keep telling how bad you feel you find out you have said it enough and are ready to move on. That can be good, unless you talk yourself into thinkingthese (temporary) feelings are permanent. I am usually surprised by the good days and try to take advantage of them.
I apologize for rambling. I amd having more anxiety than ever in my life - may due to a meds change- and my head is unclear. I heard the urgent depth of your pain. I am having pain myself. I am noting that I have to say things several times before people hear me. Don't give up. People care, even if they are clumsy in trying to help. Your feelings are starting inside you, so it's hared for people on the outside to reach them or even understand them. ssummary: I approve of your decision to share your pain loud and clear. very little risk of bad coming fromtalking, and maybe good chance osf something good.

My opinion is that all people need to know is that you don't feel safe - nothing much to misinterpret there- and want some human contact. Don't be afraidto reach out to everybody - I even call the 800 number for my credit card and chat withthe operator. They are lonesome too at 4 am.

Oh, yeah - I have usually done well for myself by preparing forthe bad times during the less bad times. I try rehearsing contingency plans for when I don'[t do so well. Right now I'm taking baths, calling loved ones, and listening to favorite music. All are proven to soothe me, and justknowing I am trying to help myself is a tiny notch up. But if you can't do anything positive for yourself, try to think thatwhaat you are aactually doing may have a positiveside. Typing to this venue is a very good thingto do for yourself. Be a little proud. I am writing to you and trying to guess what might help another person gets me out of myself a tiny bit, andthat's a tiny notch up. And so it goes.