I'm a Dad - an old one - so I can only try to imagine your world, but I have shut thedoor, cried, cut myself, and had medication problems. I'm really big so people freak if I just get mad, so I don't have to attack anybody to get in trouble.

I acan just tell youthat, as a Dad, I have no problemsof my own that would prevent me from caring aboutthe kinds ofproblems you have. Idon't know yourparents, so I can't be sure, but sometimes it is good to knowwhat all theproblemsare so you can prioritize, and often it is good to worry about your children instead of yourself.

You know best, and it is likely that your parents aren't very skilled at helping with your specific problems, and it is probable tht it would upset them, but I swear to you that in general parents woud like to make the decision for ourselves whether whether to try to help our children.

The crummiest feeling in my life has been when things went wrong and people didn't even believe in me enough to think I might possibly care.

Besides that, you are so alone that abeing alone is a probloem of its own. If not your parents, who else can you reach out to? (we count, you know. I visualize your sad, damp room and your sad, damp face and I hope to send a little bit of company your way with these words.)

Wouldn't it be a hoot if your guidance couinselor were willingto help you? Only in 7th heaven, I know.

I'll sound like an old one now-
the most surprising thing about having troubles in my life has been
1. the people I thought were close to me couldn't alway handle it that I had problems
2. Other people, sometimes people I barely knew, stepped up and were there for me in the most unexpected ways.

My kids are in their 20s, and my son is calling me just to check on me during this most recent bout. Wow! You area young one, and there are a lot of people besides your parents who are prepared to nurture teh young of the species.

I believe that attacking yoiur guidance counselor was not a coice, but a symptom. Others probably think you could and should have controlled yourself. Only you know, but now you know that violence doesn't work for you and you can avoid it.

Cuttting is usually a secret activity. A wide range of people will recognize it as a very serious symptom. It happens a lot more in females, so support systems for women are hellpful. I find it gets boring being a depressed person and it helps to get help with one aspect of my troubles and keeping a few of my secrets, at least until I know whom I can trust. (I like to imagine, for example, that a rape crisis center would be able to steer you to help with the cutting, since women who have been sexual victims may have that problem.)

IfI am imagining your feelings right, you feel as though some people have let you down, and that when you asked for help they heard you wrong. That happens a lot in all kinds of things. You have to say someting 7 times, I hear, before people hear it.

There used to be school nurses to act as advocates for kids with medical issues - kids like you. Public Health nurses are also very often a very superior kind of practical helper.

You may be feeling guilty over the mess you are deeling with, but it doesn't sound as though you are up to fixing a lot of things right now. Just lowering your guilt level might be enough to accomplish for now. After all, you'[re very young, and puberty is usually too much for the average kid to handle. You've had a lot to dealwith at a time in your life when you are just starting to learn who you are and what works for you.

You have accomplished one very important thing tonight. I have been thinking aabout you and trying to imagine your feelings and needs - that's called empathy- and finding empathy for another makes it harder for me to have compassion for myself. You reached out - and how couldI have responded ifyou hadn't done that? Thank you so much.

Don't thinks for a moment that I'm doing better than you. It's just always easier to help with someone else's problems it gets my mind off my inability to solve my own.

Is this becoming a downer?

Okay, my most positive experience - it isn't important to get better, just to start in the right direction. Direction is everything, not speed. Slightly less incredibly hopelessis a significant step up from incredibly hopeless. And you are neither. you are a person with enough hope to reach out. Good for you.

Please forgive me for not spelll-checking. Tht's justtoo hard with my current brain. It uses the parts that hurtthe worst.